Trade Deadline Report Cards

New Jersey: A-. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Acquiring a third rounder for Hale, who wasn’t on track, was nice, but cap issues kept away another scoring winger.
New York Islanders: A+. Smyth was the best player traded this season.
New York Rangers: D. The Rangers were neither sellers nor buyers. Avery wasn’t enough.
Pittsburgh Penguins: A. They got what they needed, except maybe a better veteran backup.
Philadelphia Flyers: A+. Of all the selling teams, the Flyers are set up best for next year, with tons of picks, including probably the #1 overall, $24m of new cap room, and a stable of prospects.

Buffalo Sabres: C. Should have traded Biron earlier for a better return, and did not acquire anything other than bandaids for current injuries.
Montreal Canadiens: C. Like the Rangers, the Canadiens were trying to be sellers and buyers but really did neither well, but they got a premium for a #4 or 5 defenseman like Rivet.
Boston Bruins: D. Did nothing to improve for next year.
Toronto Maple Leafs: C. If face-offs were the only issue, then this would have been a better day in T.O.
Ottawa Senators: B. Ottawa didn’t get suckered into anything expensive, but I’m not sure what they were really trying to do, either.

Tampa Bay Lightning: D. They may be in first place in their division, but their failure to add means they know they’re not a serious contender. But they didn’t get anything for the future either.
Atlanta Thrashers: F. They gave up the farm for Tkachuk and Zhitnik, two players who would be nice depth players, but aren’t going to be difference makers. Desperation trading at its worst.
Florida Panthers: C. Gave up Luongo for what now amounts to a prospect from a poor drafting team and a conditional pick. Could have done better with Roberts but chose to spite GM’s old team instead. Sad.
Carolina Hurricanes. D. Anson frickin’ Carter is not how you reload to repeat.
Washington Capitals. B. Nice return on junk players.

Anaheim Ducks. C. Pronger was a big acquisition, but this team needed a shot in the arm. Giving up one of the young guys for Ryan Smyth would have been worth it. Is next year the year Burke goes for it?
Los Angeles Kings. A. The Kings’ fire sale netted them almost as good a haul as Philly. With Kopitar and Johnson to build on, this team will be good once it’s built in Lombardi’s plan.
San Jose Sharks. D-. Doug Wilson destroyed his reputation as the Billy Beane of hockey while “loading up” with Craig Rivet and Bill Guerin, both of whom won’t add much to this team at great expense. Only because those two were better pickups than Zhitnik and Tkachuk do the Sharks avoid an F.
Dallas Stars. F. Ladislav Nagy? An overpayment for Mattias Norstrom? Might have done better to trade Modano and clear up the locker room issues there. This team isn’t going anywhere anyway.
Phoenix Coyotes. A. Showed class with Owen Nolan’s situation, and with Laraque’s. Have managed to clean house for enough assets very well. Are they really going to go somewhere now?

Detroit Red Wings. B-. Got the lesser of the two damaged goods players. Detroit is the new Toronto: unrealistic expectations with old players.
Nashville Predators. D. Forsberg done shit. It was a desperation move at that price. This team would have been much, much, much better off with several large character guys.
Chicago Blackhawks. D. Everything this team does is terrible. Not enough return.
St. Louis Blues. A+. Davidson and Pleau loaded up while managing to actually make their rental players want to come back.
Columbus Blue Jackets: F. Why on earth do you keep Adam Foote, Fedorov, et al. Get some picks!

Minnesota Wild. A. Also not broke. Got some slight add-ons, but nothing huge.
Calgary Flames. B. I’m not sure this team really believes or it might have gone further.
Edmonton Oilers. A. Their grade for trades is A. They got a huge return, and were realistic about their prospects for the playoffs, but why on earth wasn’t Ryan Smyth resigned long ago?
Vancouver Canucks. C. Why were people so excited about those moves? They needed an impact player.
Colorado Avalanche. D. Should have been bigger sellers.

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Weird.

Does it mean anything that the 4 contending teams that did nothing were the final 4 in 2003? NJ, Anaheim, Minnesota, and Ottawa?

Maybe not, but those teams have a memory of deep runs.

Burke Waives White Flag?

No, I’m not the kind of person who says you have to make a move on deadline day. I think Philly ripped off Nashville, who was desperate. Atlanta is desperate too. San Jose has assets to spare… but Ryan Smyth, the best player traded since Chris Pronger, becomes available, you are telling me that you can’t trade Perry or Ryan?

Perry better have an amazing playoffs and Bobby Ryan better be the next Pat Fucking LaFontaine.

The 1/2 Hour News Hour – In The Twilight Zone

In an effort to serve out some bad karma I made myself watch “The 1/2 Hour News Hour” FoxNews’ attempt at a Daily Show-style satire with a Conservatron bent. Surrendipitously, the SciFi Channel was playing a Twilight Zone from 1963, entitled “He’s Alive,” in which a shadowy Hitler guides a young fascist through the beer hall birth pangs of an America neo-Nazi movement.

On both shows angry white people we’re screaming “We’re the minority!”

Can you guess which show said this sentiment literally and which one expressed it figuratively?

Ludicrous Hockey Rumor of the Day 4

Guerin to the Islanders.

This one is ludicrous on several fronts. (1) Barry Melrose didn’t report it, a caller did. (2) The Blues would be getting themselves in trouble with future FAs if they made a practice of not trading their vets to cup contenders, something I doubt John Davidson would be in favor of. (3) It makes no sense for the Islanders–if they really thought they were one piece away, they’d be on crack, and Guerin isn’t anything more than that. In that case, why outbid the other Guerin suiters.

Michelletti

Sam Rosen has always bugged me, even when I was only familiar with him from other sports. He’s a tragic jock-sniffer…. but Joe Michelletti never bugged me when he was with the Islanders or on the national broadcasts, but that recent suck of Straka’s cock caused me to realize Joe too has turned into a Ranger starfucker.

UPDATE: They both sure got amped when Jagr collided into Brodeur and was called for the same lame penalty that was called against the Devils earlier.

UPDATE 2: Ha. Ha. Ha. The Rangers suck.