A Dead Fish Bounce

Presumably, being an outdoors-oriented Alaskan, Mrs. Nilap, you were speaking about salmon when you said that, to paraphrase, only dead fish go with the flow. Actually, it is the living salmon smolts that go with the flow. Any cursory knowledge of salmonid outmigration (you were speaking about salmon, Mrs. Nilap, right?) reveals that they respond to a flow cue to outmigrate as smolts. The dead ones may float about with the freshet for awhile, but eventually they will either be gobbled up by a carrion eater or else will wind up on a side channel, or at the bottom of the river etc.

Similarly, as adults, it is the live salmon that go against the flow. They use cues from the water running towards the ocean to  navigate their way upstream. Should they make it back to their natal steams they will spawn and die. Thes dead adult salmon also do not go with the flow. Rather, they rot on the banks of the steam and transfer the nutrients they consumed in ocean back to the forest stream bed of their birth.

Not sure if there is any symbolism in this brief salmon life cycle lesson befitting Sarah Nilap’s goof city, farewell verbal lobotomy. Never mention marine nutrient transfer to a gobbeldy-gooker, I guess.

"South Park" Wusses Out on the 2008 Election

From the moment that Bush Patsy McCain chose Nilap for vice-president the 2008 election felt like an episode of the old South Park, the one that was fresh and consistently funny. If the stakes hadn’t been so high, the whole ’08 caper would’ve been hilarious. Indeed, “‘Joe’ the ‘Plumber'” feels more a denizen of the basic shapes cartoon than reality. (As Kenny’s dad, perhaps?)

Parker and Stone only took about a week to turn aggravation with the Star Wars blunder Jar Jar Binks into ferocious satire. They even popped out a topical episode about 9/11 as quickly after “everything changed” as was socially acceptable. So why were they silent through a two year election that forced all of America’s goopy, agonized and weird feelings about race to the fore? Why was South Park mute in an election where millions of boomer feminists transformed Hillary Clinton’s long march into a catharsis for a lifetime of frustrations, only to see the goof city Sarah Nilap turn the “Hillary, women, ME given the shaft!” collective thought wave into a parody of itself?

Methinks the reason is that all of the annoying roustabout regarding Obama’s blackness, Hillary’s tears, and Nilap’s aw shucks fascism was the sound of America’s subterranean emotions about gender and race — which was the star stuff of so many of the later, not as funny, “South Parks” — being expressed. As these things became real topics in our polity, they stopped being “yeast for the daily fucking grind,” as Bill Hicks once said, and therefore grounds for satire.

What would’ve been funny, even after the fact, was the South Park treatment applied to Bush Patsy McCain’s dadaist attempts to keep Nixonian resentment-mongering alive through Nilap, “‘Joe’ the ‘Plumber,'” absurd campaign tactics, and finally guilt by association “terrorist” claims that made his later rallies sound like the part of The Wall where Pink becomes a Nazi. (“That one in the spotlight he don’t look right to me, get ‘im up against the wall.) Instead, South Park finally addressed the 2008 election by placing all of the candidates into a Jewel Thief Ring and playing it as a parody of “perfect crime” movies. Yes, there was some bits about the tiring over-exuberance of Obamites and the silly fatalism of McCainers with some general support of Obama there between the lines, but given the material, it was weak sauce.

Anyhow, South Park was a Bush Patsy through much of this venal, miserable decade (“No Satan,” lied Saddam, “it’s a chocolate chip factory”) so fuck it anyway.

Snider and the Flyers: Conservatrons

Update: Larry Brooks to Flyers, Snider and NHL: Shame on you!

I’m a Devils fan so I’ve always hated the Flyers. Hating your rivals is part of what is fun in sports. There have been admirable players on the Flyers over the years, but leadership matters. An effective head of an organization filters his or her vision down to its final product, for better or worse.

The Flyers have always represented a sense of reactionary hatefulness. An unscientific sampling of their fans (and yes, some of my best friends are Flyers fans) shows a lust not just to win but to physically pummel their opponents; a belief that losing 5-2 is okay if you won the fight in the second period. This is reflected in the make ups of their teams over the last several years. They have always featured plenty of goons, rugged wingers and some skill, but have not managed to maintain a franchise goaltender. And when the opponent outphysicals them the Flyers are the first to cry foul and unfair. The whining after Scott Stevens KOed Lindross was epic and legion. Hey. you wanted tough, you wanted pummeling, you got it.

In essence, you have classic bully behavior. Sort of similar to Nilap’s terrifying rallies of late. Perhaps it should come as no surprise that Ed Snider, the Flyers head who is also chairman of the awful Comcast Corporation and a major Conservatron, has invited Nilap to drop the puck at the Flyers’ home opener.

Ah well, number for Flyers’ PA office is 1-215-465-4500.

Lets Go Devils!

Bring on the Conservatron Hate Machine!

Bush Patsy McCain is pulling out of Michigan. Remember back at the start of the general election campaign how Bush Patsy McCain was going to put New York, Massachusetts, and New Jersey in play? Remember how Nilap was supposed to make Oregon and Washington State competitive again? In the immortal words of Elroy Jetson: “Eep-op-orp Uh Uh” and that means “hell no!”

Where Kerry had to sweat Oregon, New Jersey and even Hawaii Bush Patsy McCain must now defend North Carolina, Virginia and Indiana. Obama has pulled ahead in New Hampshire in recent days and is winning Pennsylvania. The only other Kerry state that may be close is Minnesota. Meanwhile, Obama has strong leads in New Mexico and Iowa. This means that any one of Virginia, Ohio, North Carolina, Indiana, Florida, West Virginia, Colorado, Missouri, or Nevada puts Obama/Biden over the top (although just a West Virginia or Nevada would result in an unsavory 269-269 tie Win).

Conservatron prostates are tickled because Nilap managed to mouth her verbal lobotomy at the VP debate without being possessed by a witch, but again, no one else cares about how she is avoiding an evil media filter. Disliking Katie Couric, Gwen Ifill and David Letterman doesn’t help pay the mortgage. Having a VP that must be sequestered and handled and cannot be a typical surrogate is a tremendous weakness. As much as Nilap may have “fired up the base” there is strong observational evidence that the Bush Patsy McCain ground game is not nearly as intense or robust as Obama’s. The money that Obama put into his field offices instead of advertising in the summer is paying off now.

Predictably, Bush Patsy McCain is going pure negative. HRC “threw the kitchen sink” in a similar circumstance. And it worked. The confounding factors were that Obama needed the HRC voters so he could not respond in kind. The ideological differences were minute, leaving little substance to disagree over. Obama also had to simultaneously contend with Bush Patsy McCain with one hand. Most importantly, Clinton/Clinton were far more formidable than Bush Patsy McCain/Nilap are. The Conservatrons will play the Association Card with Ayers and Reverend Wright as much as possible. Obama needs to stay cool, focus on the economy, and counter punch by bringing up Bush Patsy McCain’s random, weird Diva behavior, terrible proposals, Bush Patsyness, and history of lousy judgment. I still also think that Obama gains stature points from less attentive voters (who are often the undecideds) that are now starting to focus on the election just by being his able self at the debates.

Beyond that though, I wonder if the Conservatron Hate Machine is as powerful as it was four years ago. Consider the recent fake controversy over Gwen Ifill’s supposed bias towards Obama/Biden because of a book she is writing about black politicians post-Obama. This was a Nixonland classic: anti-“elitism” mixed with hints of quiet racism, and an elbow thrown at the media to boot. And it wiffed. It never made it past the Conservatron echo chamber to establish an MSM narrative. Methinks there are three reasons for this: 1.) There is enough of a liberal echo chamber now (the Netroots + Air America + Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow) to at least put the counter-argument that everyone knew about the Ifill book two months ago into the MSM. 2.) The media is more diffuse so it is harder to insert narratives into it than it was four years ago. 3.) No one cares! As I’ve been arguing for months, US versus THEM backlashes predicated on the upheavals of 1968 are not relevant to the problems of 2008. Ifill was equally worthless as a moderator as Jim Lehrer was, Biden wiped the floor with Nilap and Obama continues to gain slightly in the national tracking polls each day.

Oh, and with Bush Patsy McCain surrendering the field Obama gets to redirect most of his Michigan resources too!

Vituperative and Vapid

Every time I listened to Nilap give an answer I felt like I somehow was made stupider just by experiencing her words. Nilap spun vituperative spite with vapid homilies like the worlds most disingenuous Beatnik. It was a verbal lobotomy. It was like being a dead Egyptian emperor and getting your brains sucked out of your head through the straw up your nose during the mummification process.

Nilap did nothing to get laughed off the stage but — as I’ve been saying since the first — there still is just no there there for anyone that isn’t a Conservatron concerned with her retrograde social stances. In a few cases Biden delivered knock out blows with his answers to her non-answers; in a few others he was not punchy enough. Biden out emoted her in the end with the aside about his wife, and Nilap’s hateful popular fifteen year-old response bordered on ugly.

Nilap won’t be removed from the ticket at this point, but at the end of the day she is a poor pick. Yes she excited the Consevatron base, but there is a huge opportunity cost associated with her not being a truly effective surrogate who is able to engage the press and public regularly.

The Nilap Bubble Is Starting To Burst

What seems like two years ago, but was really a bit over two weeks ago I wrote this:

“A nice getting to know you might have sufficed had Nilap’s supposed claim to reformer fame not been contradicted by past actions, like being for the Bridge To Nowhere before she was against it. To earn America’s respect after this goopy soap opera, Nilap needs to have something meaningful to say about jobs, the economy, and even foreign policy. The “normalness” of Prego seventeen year olds, “The Fuckin’ Redneck,” DUIs, Jews for Jesus, petty small town hatreds, hunting wildlife from helicopters, firing librarians, denying global warming, fighting weird in-law rivalries through firing public servants, and playing footsie with half-baked secessionist parties just won’t cut the mustard.”

And:

“The Conservatrons don’t care about Nilap’s petty small-town rivalries, the hypocrisy embedded in her daughter’s tummy by a “fucking redneck,” or the rest because her goof city stances on creationism and abortion etc. are important to them. I suspect the rest of America is not concerned with how well they can relate to Nilap. Her “normalness” does not put food on the table or help pay the mortgage. Most importantly, it does not demonstrate that she can be president.”

If Obama was just a “celebrity” he never would have beaten the formidable Clinton Machine and the rest of the deep Democratic field. Beyond the rousing speeches there were articulate and relevant ideas. Obama was right about the Iraq war. He was right about a time line to remove our troops from Iraq. He had a meaningful set of ideas to address the budding financial crisis six months ago. Nilap has one well-delivered speech, stuffed like Twinkie with gooey lies, that she has repeated over and over and over while hiding from the media.

The Conservatrons also misundrestood the Clintonian sexism angst. I suspect that in their Tin Pot craniums, Conseravtrons who have lambasted feminists for eons thought they were unleashing a Feminist Boogeywoman that would reap the same imagined havoc on the Democrats as it had on them. The Clinton feminist backlash was organic outrage based on the frustration with characterizations by bloviators like Chris Matthews. At it’s core was the fact that a serious candidate was, at times, being marginalized by her gender. Pretending that a mental rice cake like Nilap is being discriminated against by imagining that the cliche “lipstick on a pig” is a slight just to her is obvious nonsense.

In the immortal out-of-context words of Kevin Devine, the rush has worn off and we’re left with this busted person. The MSM is beginning to report on Nilap’s lies. The latest NY Times/CBS poll has Obama leading by 5 after being down 2 a week ago, and Nilap’s unfavorables are increasing..

The Conservatrons will stay with Nilap because they care about her retrograde social stances, but as I said two weeks ago, for everyone else there is no there there.

Turn Around Jumpshot?

Obama won Faux-Outrage Lipstickgate. Moreover, he seemed to find a constant line of attack that counters the Conservatron silliness: They make up X, because they do not want you to think about Y. Nonsense. Enough.

Simple and clear, with the benefit of being true.

Meanwhile, the Nilap repetition of the same phrase speech is getting boring and her daughter is just getting more pregnant; which, if you think about it, is really not that interesting. The Conservatrons will never leave Nilap, but the trail of slime lingers on.

We shall see what we shall see; but for now, this is why I am an Obamacrat:

Nilap Strategery II

Three days ago I wrote this:

“Of course Bush Patsy McCain and his Rover handlers knew about the Bristol Bany! Their strategy was to carefully roll Nilap out as an easily emphatic “hockey mom”. Then, once the teenage pregnancy popped out, goad the MSM to, hopefully — if you’re a Conservatron — with an assist from the Obama campaign, pile on to the Nilap’s to the point of ridicule and meanness. The Conservatrons would then use the echo chamber of their theofascist wing, which is so excited about Nilap, to ferment a backlash against the nasty treatment of this “everywoman” who is so lovingly just contending with a plain ol’ difficult mother/daughter situation just like any tough working mom would do! Aw schucks!

The second half of this strategy would be to go ultra-negative on Obama and hope that the Conservatron base + outraged Clintonettes turned Nilapsers + terrified independents would barely get Bush Patsy McCain a 49.5% to 48.9% sort of victory….”

I think I got a lot of this correct. The Conservatrons gambled that their sanctimonious theofascist wing wouldn’t care about a teenage pregnancy from one of their own; and the hypocrites proved them right. {Just imagine if one of Al Gore’s teenage daughters was pregnant in 2000} The brouhaha sucked up all of the oxygen and created genuine drama for Nilap’s speech. Had she blown it, that would’ve been the end of the campaign — that was a huge risk. To her credit she delivered the 36 Minute Hate well, except for when she tried to talk of anything of substance at which point she flailed hopelessly in the deep end. All and all, it was a Krispy Kreme Donut iced with cyanide.

This gamble was designed to turn the election towards cultural issues (abortion) and personality (hockey mom), while allowing the Conservatrons to curdle into their typically whiny crouch and bitch about the media and, of course, avoid mentioning the disaster of the Bush years.

The social issues part of this putsch worked perfectly; where the strategy fell short was with the rest of the Nilap story that was revealed. The history of petty feuds, abuse of power and vitriol undercuts the aw schucks image. The stretches on military experience were laughable. Any sort of “reformer” image is easily complicated by her pork seeking. Like Nixon, Nilap seems to be the sort of person who thrives on hatred and rivalries, at every level she has been in public life she has created enemies. Nilap is the spiteful popular girl who always gets killed first in a slasher movie. The fact that she has nothing relevant to say to people outside of the theofascist wing of the Republican Party will not be hidden forever.

Update: The Kilkenny letter appears to be genuine. It is just one person’s word, but it does concur with my sense of Nilap: http://www.andrys.com/palin-kilkenny.html

Conservatron Nilap Spin Update

As predicted below, the “victimization” of the everymom continues. Supposedly, Nilap’s failure to teach her daughter about contraception and the existence of a down syndrome baby only make her more “normal.”

Problem is, we are electing a vice-president, not a mascot.

Per “An Evolutionary Psychology of Leader/Follower Relations” all aspects of a leader’s life are valid because a leader needs the authority to organize people and punish free riders. A follower is less likely to trust in a leader they consider immoral, and of bad judgment, no matter how good his policies are.

So how do some politicians survive personal scandals like Nilap’s? Simple, their policies and ideas are relevant.

Look at the master. Bill Clinton survived countless bimbo eruptions in ’92 by continuing to talk to people, to understand their frustrations, and explain what he could do about it. His hornballery became “well that’s just how people are” rather than a disqualification because his ideas were meaningful to a multitude of Americans. What did Bubba do at his SOTU at the height of Monicagate? He just talked about policies, ideas and the country while ignoring the scandal. The Conservatrons and MSM hated it; the people loved it.

The Conservatrons don’t care about Nilap’s petty small-town rivalries, the hypocrisy embedded in her daughters tummy by a “fucking redneck,” or the rest because her goof city stances on creationism and abortion etc. are important to them.

I suspect the rest of America is not concerned with how well they can relate to Nilap. Her “normalness” does not put food on the table or help pay the mortgage. Most importantly, it does not demonstrate that she can be president. Nate nailed this with his post “The Essential Difference” on fivethirtyeight.com: a VP becomes President in a time of crisis. The President has just been assassinated, killed in an accident or a health tragedy, or is medically disabled. We all know the picture of LBJ being sworn in on an airplane, Jackie Kennedy beside him, with JFK’s dead body in the cargo hold. Are you really comfortable with Sarah Nilap playing the LBJ role in a similar tragedy?

I honestly cannot fathom how anyone takes Bush Patsy McCain, Nilap or the Conservatrons seriously at this point.

Eureka! Nilap Strategery Revealed!

A moment of clarity:

Of course Bush Patsy McCain and his Rover handlers knew about the Bristol Bany! Their strategy was to carefully roll Nilap out as an easily emphatic “hockey mom”. Then, once the teenage pregnancy popped out, goad the MSM to, hopefully — if you’re a Conservatron — with an assist from the Obama campaign, pile on to the Nilap’s to the point of ridicule and meanness. The Conservatrons would then use the echo chamber of their theofascist wing, which is so excited about Nilap, to ferment a backlash against the nasty treatment of this “everywoman” who is so lovingly just contending with a plain ol’ difficult mother/daughter situation just like any tough working mom would do! Aw schucks!

Recall that the backlash by boomer women over HRC’s New Hampshire tear up was egged on by the condescending hee haw of Conservatron swine like Rush Limbaugh. Methinks the Conservatrons were hoping to manufacture that lightening in a bottle here. Note that the Bush Patsy McCain camp said they were revealing the Great Land Prego due to the rumors of “liberal bloggers” not because this is the sort of crap that every Prez or Veep family must cough up.

The second half of this strategy would be to go ultra-negative on Obama and hope that the Conservatron base + outraged Clintonettes turned Nilapsers + terrified independents would barely get Bush Patsy McCain a 49.5% to 48.9% sort of victory.

With an Act of God named Gustav sucking up all the oxygen, however, the Nilap family values are left flapping in the wind like so many maternity dresses with no media bloviators about to create or defend a “victim”. Meanwhile, Generalissimo Bush’s reprehensible handling of Katrina has forced Bush Patsy McCain to play “statesman” with Gustav (Demonstrating basic concern for your fellow human counts as “statesman” if you’re a Conservatron), scotching one day of the convention and making it incredibly difficult to pull off the remainder of the scheduled Four Day Hate without looking like an utter douche. Obama wisely said that the Nilap grandkidlet is off limits. Now Nilap will have to prove that she should be one injured elderly heartbeat away from the presidency given her non-existent resume on her own accord.

Update: The McCain camp, led by Rove Acolyte Schmidt, is now calling the Nilap coverage “offensive.”

Palindrome Nilap

Bush Patsy McCain spills Palin; Nil Ap Sllips?

Okay, not quite, but this gamble could well be the latest example of Bush Patsy McCain’s lifetime of horrible judgment.

I spent a formative summer working in Alaska when I was nineteen. It is a special place. Alaska is a true frontier where anyone willing to work hard and withstand the winter can make it, regardless of education level or even criminal history. As such, Alaskan politics is all about allowing enough corporate — outside of the family fishing boat — natural resource development and federal swag to create great wealth while distributing this moolah widely through high wages for all manner of manual laborers and that sweet oil royalty check each Alaskan gets yearly.

Anchorage is like the Seattle, Washington or Portland, Oregon of 110 years ago: the place to have a professional complete the paperwork on the wealth you just made out in the “bush,” and then go get liquored up, peruse and pursue the reproductive organ of your choice, and ponder your next effort. Although about 40% of Alaskans reside in Anchorage, “Real Alaska” is the “bush” and the semi-isolated towns like Nilap’s Wasilla. I suspect that Nilap’s success in Alaska was a reaction to the corporate/federal largess side of Alaskan politics getting so out of whack that it appeared to defy the reverence-for-hard-work chunk of the Alaskan zietgiest. Nilap of Wasilla was then a perfect “Real” Alaskan to set the barometer the other way and increase the oil royalty checks while scooping out a side of ethics reform. Her story really ends there and if there is fire to accompany the smoke of her own Troopergate then she and Bush Patsy McCain are toast.

The problem with Nilap’s history is its relevance to the rest of America. Alaska is a unique state with no cities equivalent to a Columbus or Albuquerque (to say nothing of Los Angeles or New York), no towns like Scranton, no first ring suburbs, few office parks, and few factories. Even its isolated, semi-autonomous, small towns and rural areas are much more wild than Any Town, Missour-uh or even any exurb. Heck, even its indigenous people have a political situation unlike those of the Tribes in the contiguous American West. Obama has also had to link his exotic background to Americus familiarus, but he has proven a master of relevance from his 04 debut. His experience is much more thorough than Nilap’s and he has been squeezed, percolated, and consumed for 20 months against the toughest of competition and emerged more than viable.

The passion of the Clintonettes has always confounded me, but it is telling that HRC only earned it, after 16 years in the public spotlight, once the tear up moment in New Hampshire made her seem at one with a legion of quietly exasperated Boomer women. The most insane PUMAs were never going to vote for Obama, but it seems unlikely that the vast majority of rational Clintonettes would support Nilap just because; just as they wouldn’t have supported the infinitely more qualified Sibellius or McCaskill had Obama veeped them.

One of the great developments of the Democratic Convention is that it is now clear to anyone with a whit of political savvy that the more HRC does to get Obama elected the more she increases her own clout. If her efforts already haven’t made her Senate Majority Leader, she will certainly be the most prominent member of that chamber and she obviously has the acumen to use that prominence to wield tremendous influence.

I’d like to see Dems hammer Bush Patsy McCain/Nilap on the equal pay issue the Dems raised so artfully throughout their convention. If Nilap supports it then why doesn’t Bush Patsy McCain? If she doesn’t then it is clear that Nilap doesn’t care about woman’s economic equality any more than she cares about their reproductive freedom. What a Conservatron! I’d love to see HRC deliver a harsh verdict when Nilap accepts next Wednesday.

Apparently, Nilap does not even know what the Veep does, y’know, stuff like being President of the Senate and breaking fifty-fifty ties. If a month from now Nilap turns out to be Dan Quayle with a vagina then we are in for a landslide come November.

Update: I spent my formative summer working at a fish cannery in Bristol Bay. Every year millions of sockeye salmon return to Bristol Bay to spawn; evidently, horny Alaskan teenagers(?) do the same thing.