"South Park" Wusses Out on the 2008 Election

From the moment that Bush Patsy McCain chose Nilap for vice-president the 2008 election felt like an episode of the old South Park, the one that was fresh and consistently funny. If the stakes hadn’t been so high, the whole ’08 caper would’ve been hilarious. Indeed, “‘Joe’ the ‘Plumber'” feels more a denizen of the basic shapes cartoon than reality. (As Kenny’s dad, perhaps?)

Parker and Stone only took about a week to turn aggravation with the Star Wars blunder Jar Jar Binks into ferocious satire. They even popped out a topical episode about 9/11 as quickly after “everything changed” as was socially acceptable. So why were they silent through a two year election that forced all of America’s goopy, agonized and weird feelings about race to the fore? Why was South Park mute in an election where millions of boomer feminists transformed Hillary Clinton’s long march into a catharsis for a lifetime of frustrations, only to see the goof city Sarah Nilap turn the “Hillary, women, ME given the shaft!” collective thought wave into a parody of itself?

Methinks the reason is that all of the annoying roustabout regarding Obama’s blackness, Hillary’s tears, and Nilap’s aw shucks fascism was the sound of America’s subterranean emotions about gender and race — which was the star stuff of so many of the later, not as funny, “South Parks” — being expressed. As these things became real topics in our polity, they stopped being “yeast for the daily fucking grind,” as Bill Hicks once said, and therefore grounds for satire.

What would’ve been funny, even after the fact, was the South Park treatment applied to Bush Patsy McCain’s dadaist attempts to keep Nixonian resentment-mongering alive through Nilap, “‘Joe’ the ‘Plumber,'” absurd campaign tactics, and finally guilt by association “terrorist” claims that made his later rallies sound like the part of The Wall where Pink becomes a Nazi. (“That one in the spotlight he don’t look right to me, get ‘im up against the wall.) Instead, South Park finally addressed the 2008 election by placing all of the candidates into a Jewel Thief Ring and playing it as a parody of “perfect crime” movies. Yes, there was some bits about the tiring over-exuberance of Obamites and the silly fatalism of McCainers with some general support of Obama there between the lines, but given the material, it was weak sauce.

Anyhow, South Park was a Bush Patsy through much of this venal, miserable decade (“No Satan,” lied Saddam, “it’s a chocolate chip factory”) so fuck it anyway.

Bring on the Conservatron Hate Machine!

Bush Patsy McCain is pulling out of Michigan. Remember back at the start of the general election campaign how Bush Patsy McCain was going to put New York, Massachusetts, and New Jersey in play? Remember how Nilap was supposed to make Oregon and Washington State competitive again? In the immortal words of Elroy Jetson: “Eep-op-orp Uh Uh” and that means “hell no!”

Where Kerry had to sweat Oregon, New Jersey and even Hawaii Bush Patsy McCain must now defend North Carolina, Virginia and Indiana. Obama has pulled ahead in New Hampshire in recent days and is winning Pennsylvania. The only other Kerry state that may be close is Minnesota. Meanwhile, Obama has strong leads in New Mexico and Iowa. This means that any one of Virginia, Ohio, North Carolina, Indiana, Florida, West Virginia, Colorado, Missouri, or Nevada puts Obama/Biden over the top (although just a West Virginia or Nevada would result in an unsavory 269-269 tie Win).

Conservatron prostates are tickled because Nilap managed to mouth her verbal lobotomy at the VP debate without being possessed by a witch, but again, no one else cares about how she is avoiding an evil media filter. Disliking Katie Couric, Gwen Ifill and David Letterman doesn’t help pay the mortgage. Having a VP that must be sequestered and handled and cannot be a typical surrogate is a tremendous weakness. As much as Nilap may have “fired up the base” there is strong observational evidence that the Bush Patsy McCain ground game is not nearly as intense or robust as Obama’s. The money that Obama put into his field offices instead of advertising in the summer is paying off now.

Predictably, Bush Patsy McCain is going pure negative. HRC “threw the kitchen sink” in a similar circumstance. And it worked. The confounding factors were that Obama needed the HRC voters so he could not respond in kind. The ideological differences were minute, leaving little substance to disagree over. Obama also had to simultaneously contend with Bush Patsy McCain with one hand. Most importantly, Clinton/Clinton were far more formidable than Bush Patsy McCain/Nilap are. The Conservatrons will play the Association Card with Ayers and Reverend Wright as much as possible. Obama needs to stay cool, focus on the economy, and counter punch by bringing up Bush Patsy McCain’s random, weird Diva behavior, terrible proposals, Bush Patsyness, and history of lousy judgment. I still also think that Obama gains stature points from less attentive voters (who are often the undecideds) that are now starting to focus on the election just by being his able self at the debates.

Beyond that though, I wonder if the Conservatron Hate Machine is as powerful as it was four years ago. Consider the recent fake controversy over Gwen Ifill’s supposed bias towards Obama/Biden because of a book she is writing about black politicians post-Obama. This was a Nixonland classic: anti-“elitism” mixed with hints of quiet racism, and an elbow thrown at the media to boot. And it wiffed. It never made it past the Conservatron echo chamber to establish an MSM narrative. Methinks there are three reasons for this: 1.) There is enough of a liberal echo chamber now (the Netroots + Air America + Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow) to at least put the counter-argument that everyone knew about the Ifill book two months ago into the MSM. 2.) The media is more diffuse so it is harder to insert narratives into it than it was four years ago. 3.) No one cares! As I’ve been arguing for months, US versus THEM backlashes predicated on the upheavals of 1968 are not relevant to the problems of 2008. Ifill was equally worthless as a moderator as Jim Lehrer was, Biden wiped the floor with Nilap and Obama continues to gain slightly in the national tracking polls each day.

Oh, and with Bush Patsy McCain surrendering the field Obama gets to redirect most of his Michigan resources too!

Bush Patsy McCain: Diva

Perhaps “Randomizer” should Bush Patsy McCain’s nickname, or even better, “Diva.”

After careening from miscellaneous position to meaningless statement about the financial crisis, Bush Patsy McCain dropped out of the first debate. He “suspended” his campaign to be non-partisan in DC even if doing so was an obvious partisan ploy.

Bush Patsy McCain’s actions in DC are reminiscent of the old Seinfeld stand up bit about men who really like to be around hard work like changing the pick up’s oil, but don’t do any of the work. After waiting a day to actually get to DC he participated silently, in a photo-op, dumb as a cow. He hasn’t led. He hasn’t brainstormed. All he has done is soak up the attention of where the most cameras are located. It’s the political equivalent of a starlet vag flash or nipple slip.

So, having injected partisan politics into the financial talks through his “non-partisan” campaign “suspension” Bush Patsy McCain has now changed his mind and is going to debate after all. Drama Queen!

In the process he has lied to and infuriated David Letterman of all people. This matters not just because Dave’s curt dissection of Bush Patsy McCain will hurt him in Middle America; it is important because needlessly infuriating people like Letterman is an obvious result of the ad hoc, do whatever manner that Bush Patsy McCain has handled his response to the financial melt down. Imagine if Letterman were a key Senator, Congressman or head of state. Blowing off such a person and lying to them is precisely what will make it difficult to get things done. It is exactly what makes for an ineffective leader.

I have always been against Bush Patsy McCain for his being well, a Bush Patsy. Now I am terrified at the prospect of his Presidency. He is too rash and childish to contend with a crisis situation. When he doesn’t know what to do, he just does something to throw as many variables into the air as possible. America may not survive his impudence; at least, not as a first world country.

UPDATE: To help solve the financial crisis Bush Patsy McCain has just announced that he will mount an alpaca and bandy about town throwing empty Budweiser cans at neighborhood house cats and passing squirrels.

When Bush Patsy McCain Has No Clue, He Goes Random

Since 9/15/08 Bush Patsy McCain has: Called the fundamentals of the economy strong, then said he meant the American workers, been against the AIG bailout, been for the AIG bailout, called for a commission to study the economic free fall, thrown some innuendo sleaze balls about Obama and “connections” to Freedie Mae and Fannie Mac (only to have it bommerang), and most bizarrely called for the Chairman of the SEC to be fired. Of course, the President cannot fire the SEC Chairman, proving that this was not a well considered stratagem.

This demonstrates that when Bush Patsy McCain is contending with areas he does not care about he will try any old idea just to survive a news cycle. Activity must not be confused with execution. Consider the “fire the SEC Chairman!” gambit. Even if it were readily doable, it is a stupid idea. The current meltdown is not due to illegal trading that the SEC missed; it is result of the legal financial servicing of debt owed on rotten assets of the sort Bush Patsy McCain and the Conservatrons have long championed. Or, as the legendary economic soothsayer and sometimes rock star Roger Waters foresaw: “when the great economic collapse happens; it’s gonna’ happen, right across the board.” All that firing the SEC Chairman would do is put someone new into a job that is important for economic stewardship in the midst of a cataclysm. Even the most able person would still be getting their bearings and be less that optimal in their vital position for crucial hours, days and weeks.

This isn’t judgment. This isn’t leadership. It’s cantankerous randomness for no purpose but to run out the clock and hope the subject changes.

To that end Bush Patsy McCain and the Conservatrons are replaying one of their greatest hits: crying about the media.

Pathetic.

Conservatron Nilap Spin Update

As predicted below, the “victimization” of the everymom continues. Supposedly, Nilap’s failure to teach her daughter about contraception and the existence of a down syndrome baby only make her more “normal.”

Problem is, we are electing a vice-president, not a mascot.

Per “An Evolutionary Psychology of Leader/Follower Relations” all aspects of a leader’s life are valid because a leader needs the authority to organize people and punish free riders. A follower is less likely to trust in a leader they consider immoral, and of bad judgment, no matter how good his policies are.

So how do some politicians survive personal scandals like Nilap’s? Simple, their policies and ideas are relevant.

Look at the master. Bill Clinton survived countless bimbo eruptions in ’92 by continuing to talk to people, to understand their frustrations, and explain what he could do about it. His hornballery became “well that’s just how people are” rather than a disqualification because his ideas were meaningful to a multitude of Americans. What did Bubba do at his SOTU at the height of Monicagate? He just talked about policies, ideas and the country while ignoring the scandal. The Conservatrons and MSM hated it; the people loved it.

The Conservatrons don’t care about Nilap’s petty small-town rivalries, the hypocrisy embedded in her daughters tummy by a “fucking redneck,” or the rest because her goof city stances on creationism and abortion etc. are important to them.

I suspect the rest of America is not concerned with how well they can relate to Nilap. Her “normalness” does not put food on the table or help pay the mortgage. Most importantly, it does not demonstrate that she can be president. Nate nailed this with his post “The Essential Difference” on fivethirtyeight.com: a VP becomes President in a time of crisis. The President has just been assassinated, killed in an accident or a health tragedy, or is medically disabled. We all know the picture of LBJ being sworn in on an airplane, Jackie Kennedy beside him, with JFK’s dead body in the cargo hold. Are you really comfortable with Sarah Nilap playing the LBJ role in a similar tragedy?

I honestly cannot fathom how anyone takes Bush Patsy McCain, Nilap or the Conservatrons seriously at this point.

Eureka! Nilap Strategery Revealed!

A moment of clarity:

Of course Bush Patsy McCain and his Rover handlers knew about the Bristol Bany! Their strategy was to carefully roll Nilap out as an easily emphatic “hockey mom”. Then, once the teenage pregnancy popped out, goad the MSM to, hopefully — if you’re a Conservatron — with an assist from the Obama campaign, pile on to the Nilap’s to the point of ridicule and meanness. The Conservatrons would then use the echo chamber of their theofascist wing, which is so excited about Nilap, to ferment a backlash against the nasty treatment of this “everywoman” who is so lovingly just contending with a plain ol’ difficult mother/daughter situation just like any tough working mom would do! Aw schucks!

Recall that the backlash by boomer women over HRC’s New Hampshire tear up was egged on by the condescending hee haw of Conservatron swine like Rush Limbaugh. Methinks the Conservatrons were hoping to manufacture that lightening in a bottle here. Note that the Bush Patsy McCain camp said they were revealing the Great Land Prego due to the rumors of “liberal bloggers” not because this is the sort of crap that every Prez or Veep family must cough up.

The second half of this strategy would be to go ultra-negative on Obama and hope that the Conservatron base + outraged Clintonettes turned Nilapsers + terrified independents would barely get Bush Patsy McCain a 49.5% to 48.9% sort of victory.

With an Act of God named Gustav sucking up all the oxygen, however, the Nilap family values are left flapping in the wind like so many maternity dresses with no media bloviators about to create or defend a “victim”. Meanwhile, Generalissimo Bush’s reprehensible handling of Katrina has forced Bush Patsy McCain to play “statesman” with Gustav (Demonstrating basic concern for your fellow human counts as “statesman” if you’re a Conservatron), scotching one day of the convention and making it incredibly difficult to pull off the remainder of the scheduled Four Day Hate without looking like an utter douche. Obama wisely said that the Nilap grandkidlet is off limits. Now Nilap will have to prove that she should be one injured elderly heartbeat away from the presidency given her non-existent resume on her own accord.

Update: The McCain camp, led by Rove Acolyte Schmidt, is now calling the Nilap coverage “offensive.”

Palindrome Nilap

Bush Patsy McCain spills Palin; Nil Ap Sllips?

Okay, not quite, but this gamble could well be the latest example of Bush Patsy McCain’s lifetime of horrible judgment.

I spent a formative summer working in Alaska when I was nineteen. It is a special place. Alaska is a true frontier where anyone willing to work hard and withstand the winter can make it, regardless of education level or even criminal history. As such, Alaskan politics is all about allowing enough corporate — outside of the family fishing boat — natural resource development and federal swag to create great wealth while distributing this moolah widely through high wages for all manner of manual laborers and that sweet oil royalty check each Alaskan gets yearly.

Anchorage is like the Seattle, Washington or Portland, Oregon of 110 years ago: the place to have a professional complete the paperwork on the wealth you just made out in the “bush,” and then go get liquored up, peruse and pursue the reproductive organ of your choice, and ponder your next effort. Although about 40% of Alaskans reside in Anchorage, “Real Alaska” is the “bush” and the semi-isolated towns like Nilap’s Wasilla. I suspect that Nilap’s success in Alaska was a reaction to the corporate/federal largess side of Alaskan politics getting so out of whack that it appeared to defy the reverence-for-hard-work chunk of the Alaskan zietgiest. Nilap of Wasilla was then a perfect “Real” Alaskan to set the barometer the other way and increase the oil royalty checks while scooping out a side of ethics reform. Her story really ends there and if there is fire to accompany the smoke of her own Troopergate then she and Bush Patsy McCain are toast.

The problem with Nilap’s history is its relevance to the rest of America. Alaska is a unique state with no cities equivalent to a Columbus or Albuquerque (to say nothing of Los Angeles or New York), no towns like Scranton, no first ring suburbs, few office parks, and few factories. Even its isolated, semi-autonomous, small towns and rural areas are much more wild than Any Town, Missour-uh or even any exurb. Heck, even its indigenous people have a political situation unlike those of the Tribes in the contiguous American West. Obama has also had to link his exotic background to Americus familiarus, but he has proven a master of relevance from his 04 debut. His experience is much more thorough than Nilap’s and he has been squeezed, percolated, and consumed for 20 months against the toughest of competition and emerged more than viable.

The passion of the Clintonettes has always confounded me, but it is telling that HRC only earned it, after 16 years in the public spotlight, once the tear up moment in New Hampshire made her seem at one with a legion of quietly exasperated Boomer women. The most insane PUMAs were never going to vote for Obama, but it seems unlikely that the vast majority of rational Clintonettes would support Nilap just because; just as they wouldn’t have supported the infinitely more qualified Sibellius or McCaskill had Obama veeped them.

One of the great developments of the Democratic Convention is that it is now clear to anyone with a whit of political savvy that the more HRC does to get Obama elected the more she increases her own clout. If her efforts already haven’t made her Senate Majority Leader, she will certainly be the most prominent member of that chamber and she obviously has the acumen to use that prominence to wield tremendous influence.

I’d like to see Dems hammer Bush Patsy McCain/Nilap on the equal pay issue the Dems raised so artfully throughout their convention. If Nilap supports it then why doesn’t Bush Patsy McCain? If she doesn’t then it is clear that Nilap doesn’t care about woman’s economic equality any more than she cares about their reproductive freedom. What a Conservatron! I’d love to see HRC deliver a harsh verdict when Nilap accepts next Wednesday.

Apparently, Nilap does not even know what the Veep does, y’know, stuff like being President of the Senate and breaking fifty-fifty ties. If a month from now Nilap turns out to be Dan Quayle with a vagina then we are in for a landslide come November.

Update: I spent my formative summer working at a fish cannery in Bristol Bay. Every year millions of sockeye salmon return to Bristol Bay to spawn; evidently, horny Alaskan teenagers(?) do the same thing.