The Lords of Slate.

One of the worst things about being a liberal is having to read the arrogant, contra-contrarian, pointy-headed bullshit from Slate. The annoying actual liberal media is almost enough to make you want to be a conservative. Conservatives don’t read or listen to media that tries to tell them they are right about being conservatives, but too dumb to know much about how or why.

This is not to say that there is a virtue in pure echo chamber media. There’s a way to challenge what people think without insulting their intelligence, while somehow subtly making them feel like are just cool enough to hang out with these gods.

The Lords of Slate are annoying indeed. Lord Saletan tells us why have legal abortions, but only with a Byzantine web of laws and social mores that makes us cry about it so it will never ever happen anyway. Lord Weisberg commands that we join in the jock sniffing cult of personality of right wing politicians (apparently he doesn’t get that the whole some-politician-is-our-here narratives they put out there are to give people already predisposed to that politician to give themselves a post-hoc justification for why they are voting that way—I didn’t vote for John Kerry in the primary, but I’m voting for him in the general because now I know he’s a war hero! The whole John Kerry was decorated in Vietnam and then came back and went hippie is not meant for Republicans to get all wound up in). He honestly wanted us to believe that Maverick crap about John McCain ffs. Now, he wants us to believe that Paul Ryan’s nitrous-huffing budget proposal is courageous. No, you fucken ninny, that’s what the Republicans are saying to explain why it will never ever happen. Courageous=not happening. Then all the Republicans can get themselves in heat over the lost opportunity to bring about the earthly paradise of a USA free of Medicare and full of old people going bankrupt over medical bills. He thinks this shit is real. I wonder if Lord Weisberg has figured out that wrestling is fake yet. Santa Claus?

Let’s not forget Lord Manjoo who tells us how we should feel about our gadgets.

I mean, on NPR they have to pretend like the Tea Party p.o.v. isn’t batshit insane and be polite about it. But we know. We know that NPR listeners believe in evolution, gravity, global warming, and the non-involvement of Saddam Hussein in 9/11. But we’ll pretend like the people that believe otherwise have a valid “opinion.”

Then there are the Junior Varsity Slate poseurs, the Squires of [The American] Prospect who are assisted by the Pages of  [Washington] Monthly. These people all come from suburban New England and had parents who never let them watch television, ever, and who made their own clothes. Then they see movie stars and politicians and get mancrushes on them.

And lest I forget, MSNBC. This is where we have to accept the fact that they are mentioned as a “liberal version of Fox” as if their heart was really in it, as if their owners really cared about that kind of politics or if they didn’t just see a market opportunity for profit. So, this reality show version of the West Wing forces us to have these corporate-owned actors speak for liberals and we have to pretend this balances out Fox. We also have to pretend that we are like really close acquaintances with all of these politicians and we don’t hate them and just want them to shut up.

Yes, there is the “So-Called Liberal Media” like the nightly news shows and newspapers, the insult-nerd (as opposed to insult comic) liberal media, the milquetoast pseudo-liberal media, and the Inside Baseball Liberal Actors.

There are some decent ones, but god damn. Can we please make it so that Slate is not required reading. Fuck.