Waaaaahhhhhh! I Want My Bonus! Waaaahhhhh! Bonus!

Some cheese with you whine, Mr. DeSantis?

Is it fair that a good employee, the proverbial .350 batting average and 44 home run superstar on the last place team, should be harried and harassed and heckled into handing back his AIG bonus? No. But guess what? Life isn’t fair! Even for bright and able bloviators like Mr. DeSantis. “‘Shit happens!’ It’s not Just for the Bottom 99% Anymore!” Now, shit happens to plutocrats too!

Boo-fucking-hoo.

It’s really not that complicated. The American Street is not  trying to claw back the lip smacking kills of successful business Cenetaurs along with the weasel gains of the Credit Default Swappers willy-nilly. Rather, America does not want to see AIG, the Mothership holding both these heroes and villains, pay extra compensation to any of its employees when the scope of its overall failures are threatening to deep six the economy.The 742K Mr. DeSantis is sniffing about is money we gave AIG to fix its problems, not award its “Team.” The super star on the last place roster does not get to participate in the playoffs.

How can anyone not understand that they themselves should not be getting a bonus from their employer the year that their employer lost the most money in corporate history? The ham-handed outrageousness is almost too consuming to comprehend.

I’m sorry that life sucks and you are not be rewarding for your hard work the way you thought you’d be, Mr. DeSantis. But you were a well-equipped player in a free market, and that’s the risk you took when you signed on with AIG, whether you knew it or not. Lets be clear as a glacial lake here: The American people did not fail you. Nor did it’s polity. Nor even did its goofus politicos. AIG failed you. AIG’s Credit Default Swappers failed you by being venal; AIG’s management failed you by fanning and facilitating their venality.

So please, return to your domicile and appreciate your rich fortune in being able to ride out the Great Economic Collapse in relative comfort. I’m sure there is a  well-equipped bright and able person anxious to do your job for 150K a year and no bonus.

2 thoughts on “Waaaaahhhhhh! I Want My Bonus! Waaaahhhhh! Bonus!”

  1. Obviously, I agree with what you’re saying. I would just point out the story behind “bonuses.”

    Bonuses are sometimes keyed to specific performance goals. Those are non-discretionary bonuses in that they are part of the employment contract. If the employee achieves that specified goal, they get the bonus.

    Most of what we’re talking about here are discretionary bonuses that are paid not really as a “bonus” for performance as we normally think of it. As long as they remain discretionary, they can more or less be given for any reason.

    This is advantageous because you can report what your employees average compensation was in the past but not be required to pay that going forward to anyone at any time.

    It is also used as a tool to cultivate good employees. Good can be production, but it can also be someone that makes the office a nice place to be instead of a bully or an ass hole.

    These discretionary bonuses have more or less been “part of the deal” at big financial firms and law firms for a long time.

    So really, bonuses represent a way for management to have its cake and eat it too, and it’s not a situation any of the employees want. I’m sure to a person they would prefer to have the full whack guaranteed.

    I lived in terror of a non-discretionary bonus regime for the first 2 and last year of my 4 years of employment with my first firm. It was awful because I was totally unable to budget except for using the lowest figure. So, naturally, my motivations weren’t to work for the bonus as much as you’d think.

    It’s a bad system, but given the complexities of workplace law, it’s a kind of Frankenstein that results. I think the term “bonus” is unfortunate because it is not necessarily related to individual or collective performance.

    I’m not sure what the deal with AIG et al. was, but I feel sorry for some dude who went into the job thinking he was getting his 150k salary wink wink nod nod that would really be more like 500k because of “bonuses” that almost always materialized, bought a house and had kids on that basis and now is being painted as public enemy number 1.

    On the other hand most of these guys greeded their way into destrying the economy, so fuck them.

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  2. Although this may not be a “bonus” in the common sense of the word, it still isn’t technically base pay, and should therefore be the first thing that these corporations should be reducing to get their feet back on the ground.

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