Tonight, in what will be the most maudlin moment in modern American history, a cavalcade of creepy cardboard cutout sanctimonious moralizers will give a standing O to seventeen year old Prego Bristol and The Fucking Redneck. A Kodiak moment for hypocrites everywhere.
The conventional wisdom is that Nilap (“Nil” meaning “no” and “ap” meaning “aptitude,” by the way) just needs to avoid a gaffe and an overall sense of Quayleness to pass this test. A nice getting to know you might have sufficed had Nilap’s supposed claim to reformer fame not been contradicted by past actions, like being for the bridge to nowhere before she was agianst. To earn America’s respect after this goopy soap opera, Nilap needs to have something meaningful to say about jobs, the economy, and even foreign policy. The “normalness” of Prego seventeen year olds, “The Fuckin’ Redneck,” DUIs, Jews for Jesus, petty small town hatreds, hunting wildlife from helicopters, firing librarians, denying global warming, fighting weird in-law rivalries through firing public servants, and playing footsie with half-baked secessionist parties just won’t cut the mustard.
Even absent all of the scandalous personal details, it appears that for Nilap there is no there there. Dems should quickly contradict every bogus claim she makes and counter punch like crazy for the rest of the Conservatron Convention.