The Republican Party: Refuge of the Lasts

Conservatron Congressman Peter Hoekstra has managed to garner the release of all documents related to pre-war intelligence concerning Iraq onto the Internet. The purpose, clearly, is to give ready ammunition to the hordes of Conservatron bloggers who will no doubt parse the data to prove the bogus OBL/Iraq connection, because an unemployed Internet addict in Alabama is surely able to cherry pick intelligence far better than Generalissimo Bush’s minions. Oh, and Jesus taught the Sage of Alabama Arabic and farsi one night, too… well, enough to get by anyway.

Like a frustrated feline clawing for a place to pee in a dirty litter box, the Republican illiterati is in a breathless scratch for a shred of homophobic outrage or anti-stem cell research mouth foaming to toss to its base jackals. It’s not sticking. Gays are becoming boring, lesbians are hot and too many people think stem cell research is a good idea.

The Party of Lincoln is descending into the Refuge of the Lasts. That is, the last people who disregard evolution, the last people who ignore global warming, the last people who still believe that Hussein and bin Laden were conspirators and that Iraq had WMDs, and, sooner than you think, the last xenophobes and the last homophobes, and maybe maybe one day the last coded racists and anti-Semites. The Republican Party is fortifying the Castle of the Crazies. That is, the front porch of lunatic carpe mortis (seize the death!) eschantonologists, the den of Goof City physicians who diagnose strangers via satellite link, the home offices of think tank encrustations turned political appointees whose ability to defend their ideas in reasoned debate has long atrophied forcing them to repeat their talking points from further and further inside their hermit crab shells.

The vastly overrated Bush patsy John McCain has reasoned that he must floss his teeth with Jerry Falwell’s ass hairs to win the Republican nomination. And he must. No Republican can gain any true leadership over the Party without breaking bread with the worst bigots and crooks America has to offer. All Democrats need do is have the guts to point this out by highlighting what these Conservatron demon piglets say, and what the Giulianis and McCains abide, when they speak for themselves and respond with the brilliant tropes of Obama’s convention speech. It’s the Party of Hope versus the Party of Hate.

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