The latest fnord from the right-wing to stir up the masses in a rejection of liberal straw men is the illusory war on Christmas. Illusory according to left-wingers. They should know, however, that it is very real, and I am the Field Marshall in command of the anti-christmas armies.

First of all, Christmas is evil. Christmas has nothing to do with the celebration of the birth of jesus. Sure, some people go to midnight mass, but, basically, it’s nothing more than a consumerist orgy that fans the fires of our empty materialist culture.

Hey, at least the pope agrees with me. In the meantime, though, I’m sure a lot of fat balding Dobson clones will appear on Fox news to tell us all how this is a sign of us losing our Christian values. You mean like, helping the poor? No. Like not living for money? No.

It’s all bullshit. Wake me up in January. In the meantime, Chappy Channukah.